google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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