I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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