We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
