My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
