Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize