Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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