I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
