A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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