i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
