Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
