wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
