The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
