Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i think i have two assholes
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
