I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
