Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
