Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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