I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Found your dick twin last night
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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