were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
