If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
They took my balls.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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