The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
