just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
