I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
