If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
