Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize