I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
