somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
