so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
