Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
