my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
