It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't think brook has ever known best
We got so high we made milksteak
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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