Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
