I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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