The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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