did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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