new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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