Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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