the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
