I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
