you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
