The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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