Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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