Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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