Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
