it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
