I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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