just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
