Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
