last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
