No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
