The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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