She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
