awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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