oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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