your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
