Me. At least after what I've been through.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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