There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize