I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
