I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
