i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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