I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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