Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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