He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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