Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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