Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
