The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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