i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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