Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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