I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
