I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
