i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize