This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize