our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
